Reading about Cy Twombly over breakfast, about the places where he was a studio hermit, how he arranged his workspaces and than sat and just listened to his work, that he worked quickly as if he was racing against losing the vision, about that time he drew in the dark to avoid making anything obvious, relating to it all, especially the part about trying to record something new, something felt and not seen and becoming immersed in that other world where the worst thing is for someone to crash through all the structure with the shape and story that they see at first glance because as humans we can't resist making sense of a thing even when it isn't supposed to make sense in the context of what we already know.
This is the chase. Pursing perfect abstraction but it is one of the math problems where you can approach the zero but never cleanly, explicitly, resolve to it. Layer on equations and create masks with assumptions and still, the bell hums but doesn’t ring. Pull away like a rubber band and the superficial snap brings it back. There is this constant tension between the imagined, fictional, abstract and the reality of perception.
Save your energy and don’t think too much about it because that’s a zero sum game.